a surrendered life

Before I knew Christ, I belonged to sin and death. I lived under their rule, whether I understood that or not.

And in that life, I did not handle pain well.

When suffering came, I:

• fell apart
• collapsed into despair
• ran away
• gave in to anger
• hid in distractions that were empty and unhealthy.

I had no refuge — only escape.

Then God called my name.

Not merely to improve my life, but to save me from sin and death and to give me eternal life in Christ.

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 6:23

I was saved out of darkness and into life.

And that eternal salvation changed my earthly life as well.

I found refuge — not in numbing or denial, but in Him. In His Word. In truth that did not move when my emotions did.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalm 46:1

For the first time, pain had somewhere to go.

Not because suffering disappeared, but because I no longer faced it alone or without hope.

Salvation did not remove storms from my life. It gave me an anchor in them.

Over time, God taught me a new way to live.

I learned to feel sorrow, name it honestly, place it in eternal perspective, and continue forward in faith.

I refused to let suffering become my master. I would not let grief become my god. I would not let pain define me.

That was not denial. That was discipleship.

“We do not lose heart… For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.”
2 Corinthians 4:16–17

“Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”
2 Corinthians 6:10

Standing in storms with Christ became my way of life.

And for a long time, that was exactly what I needed to learn.

But Jesus does not describe the Christian life primarily as standing strong beside Him. He describes it as remaining in Him.

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.”
John 15:4

There is a difference between “God is my refuge” and “I know how to manage myself with God.”

There is a difference between “Pain will not be my master” and “I must master pain.”

Scripture does not call us to control our fruitfulness. It calls us to remain connected.

“Apart from Me you can do nothing.”
John 15:5

The branch does not try harder. It stays in the vine.

That is abiding.

God never intended for faith to feel like bracing.

“In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.”
Isaiah 30:15

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

Abiding is not drowning in sorrow. It is not indulging emotion. It is not abandoning truth.

It is simply this posture:
I trust You enough to stop holding myself together.

Jesus Himself did not bypass grief with explanation. He entered it.

“Jesus wept.”
John 11:35

“My soul is very sorrowful, even to death.”
Matthew 26:38

Truth did not cancel His sorrow. It carried it.

That is abiding.

Yes, I have learned how to stand in storms but now God is teaching me how to dwell in Him instead.

“Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit.”
John 15:5

Fruit does not come from effort. It comes from connection.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”
Psalm 23:1

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You.”
Isaiah 26:3

Abiding looks like not rushing to resolve every pain, not translating every sorrow immediately, not pre-sacrificing joy, not living braced for loss.

It looks like staying with God instead of standing alone with God.

It looks like being held instead of holding on.

A Prayer of Abiding

Lord, You saved me from sin and death and gave me life in Christ.

Now teach me how to live that life fully.

Not by fleeing pain and not by mastering it, but by remaining in You.

Teach me to abide instead of brace. To dwell instead of endure. To trust instead of tense.

I choose to abide in the Vine.

Amen.